Sides

Any German can tell you that wurst and and cabbage go hand in hand.  Any Spaniard will say the same of chorizo and beans.  But it takes a special, international inclination to make the case for kielbasa with brussels sprouts, white beans and mustard.  I’ll tell you that it works wonderfully!  The saltiness of the pork combined with the bitter, gentle crunch of the brussels sprouts and mildness of the beans is well-balanced perfection.  Plus, its cheap, easy and looks good on a plate!

Makes: 4 Plates of European Unity
Total kitchen time: 30 mins

Shopping list:

• 1 medium shallot
• 4 large cloves garlic
• 1.5 lbs. brussels sprouts
• 1 lb. pork kielbasa
• 1 can white kidney beans
• 2 tbsp. coarse mustard
• 1/4 cup heavy cream
• ooks&fgbp

1. Peel the shallot and cut into quarters.  Make a small pouch out of aluminum foil (2 layers thick) and place inside the shallot and garlic.  Coat with olive oil and a generous pinch of salt.  Seal the pouch tightly and place in the oven (I recommend the toaster oven) at 400°F for 30 minutes. 
2. Rinse and pick clean the brussels sprouts.  Cut each sprout in half, discarding any wilted or fugly outer leaves.  Steam (or boil, your choice) the brussels sprouts until tender when pierced with a fork.  Set aside.
3. Rinse and drain the beans.  Honestly, 1 can is a little too bean-heavy.  You may want to save about 1/3 of the beans for something else.  I know, I’m telling you now after you’ve bought a whole can, as opposed to buying 2/3 of a can.
4. Slice the kielbasa on a steep bias into 1/4” slices.  Heat 1 tsp. of olive oil in a large, heavy bottomed non-nonstick skillet over medium high heat.  Arrange the kielbasa slices and fry until crispy on each side, about 3 minutes per side.  It’ll smell like bacon, confusing your dog.  Set aside (the kielbasa, not your dog) on paper towels to drain.
5. If your skillet is full of porky goodness, keep it there.  Add a generous tablespoon of good olive oil and keep the heat at medium high.  Unwrap the garlic and shallot and smash them using the flat side of your knife.  They should be very soft.  Add them to the skillet and cook for about 1 minute. 
6. Add the mustard and cream to the skillet and stir to combine.  Reduce the heat to medium low and add the brussels sprouts and beans (as many as you want to use).  Toss everything together to coat, then season to taste with a generous amount of salt and black pepper.
7. Plate the kielbasa on top of your brussels sprouts and beans in a large bowl to serve. 

If you’ve been hit hard by the recession, don’t worry – you can make this recipe without the brussels sprouts or the beans (choose one).  There, I just saved you like $1.50.  Maybe I should invite Suze Orman over for dinner!

Don’t let Orville Reddenbacher fool you – corn was meant to be grilled.   This spicy yet cool corn is the perfect accompaniment for grilled meat or fish.  However, just because corn is a side dish doesn’t mean it needs to take the back-seat in flavor. 

Makes: 5 ears
Total kitchen time: 20 mins

Shopping List:

• 5 ears white corn, shucked
• 8 tbsp. salted butter, at room temperature
• 2 tbsp. fresh cilantro, finely chopped
• 1 tbsp. garlic, finely chopped
• 1 tbsp. lime juice
• 1/2 tsp. red cayenne pepper
• 1/2 tsp. paprika
• 1/2 tsp. Jamaican jerk seasoning (or your favorite spicy seasoning blend)

1. Preheat your grill over medium heat.  Place the corn directly on the grill and close the lid.  Grill, turning occasionally, 15-20 minutes.
2. Meanwhile, combine the remaining ingredients in a small bowl and mash together using the back of a fork.  If you’re making this recipe in a larger quantity, you may want to prepare the butter using a food processor.
3. When the corn is almost done (check for tenderness with a fork) brush it on all sides with the cilantro butter and grill for another 1-2 minutes. 
   

This cilantro butter also makes great grilled toast, and can be added to shellfish, chicken, or white fish for a wonderful, simple seasoning.

 
If you’re looking for a new veggie to throw on the grill, try out these slow-roasted fennel bulbs.  The sweet and spicy filling will be a nice complement to your traditional grill fare.  And, since the fennel will roast for an hour, you will be free to mingle with your guests.

Makes: 2 60-watt bulbs
Total kitchen time: 1 1/2 hours

Shopping List:

• 2 large fennel bulbs
• 1/2 yellow onion, finely diced
• 3 Oz. pancetta, finely diced
• 1/4 tsp. ancho chili powder
• 1/4 tsp. ground ginger
• 1/2 tsp. brown sugar
• 1/4 tsp. paprika
• 1 tbsp. + 1 tsp. olive oil
• kosher salt and black pepper, to taste

1. Heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat.  When the oil is hot, add the onion and spices.  Cook until onions are soft and begin to caramelize, about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.
2. Add the pancetta to the skillet and stir to scrape up the browned bits stuck to the skillet.  Salt and pepper to taste.  Cook for another 5 minutes or so.  Set aside.
3. Meanwhile, cut the tops off of the fennel bulbs and carefully scrape out the inside.  Be careful not to to scoop out too much, as the fennel sides are somewhat fragile.
4. Divide the onion and pancetta stuffing between the two fennel bulbs.  Lightly brush the fennel with the remaining olive oil and grill over indirect medium heat for about an hour.  Or, bake uncovered at 300°F for an hour, or until the fennel is slightly tender.

The fennel bulbs will fall apart as you slice through them, so encourage your guests to use their fingers.

You’ll need your large cast iron skillet for this neo-mesa cornbread.  Although I’m not the first to pile toppings onto cornbread, I’ve never before seen a layer of goat cheese inside.  Perhaps KFC will pick up my idea and run with it, but in the meantime you can surprise your guests with this rustic yet upscale rendition of a barbecue favorite.

Makes: 15 round inches of goat-stuffed joy
Total kitchen time: 30 mins

Shopping list:

• 2 sticks unsalted butter, cubed
• 2 1/2 cups cornmeal
• 1/2 cup flour
• 3 tbsp. sugar
• 2 tsp. baking soda
• 1 tsp. salt (since we’re baking use table salt, not coarse salt)
• 3 cups buttermilk
• 4 eggs
• 1 12-Oz. jar roasted red bell peppers, cut into thin slices
• 4 Oz. goat cheese, crumbled

1. Preheat your oven to 450°F and set the top rack to the middle position.  Heat your 15″ cast iron skillet over medium heat on the stove.  If your skillet is smaller than 15″, you can make the whole recipe and discard the excess batter.  Halving this recipe should yield about enough batter for a 9″ skillet.
2. Whisk together all of the dry ingredients in a large bowl.  In a separate bowl, whisk together the eggs and buttermilk.
3. Add the butter to the skillet to melt.  Once the butter is melted but not quite foamy, whisk it into the buttermilk and egg mixture.  Then, whisk the buttermilk mixture into the dry ingredients and stir until just combined. 
4. With the skillet still hot, carefully arrange the red bell pepper slices in a sunburst pattern (or whatever pattern you’d like.  I’ve got $5.00 for the first person to submit an argyle bell pepper cornbread.)
5. Then, very carefully add half of the batter to the skillet.  Using your spatula, gently cover each slice of bell pepper with some batter.  Once the bell peppers are covered with an even layer, sprinkle on the crumbled goat cheese.  Finish by adding the remaining half of the batter to cover.
6. Bake at 450°F for 15-20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.  Let the skillet cool for 10 minutes or so, then carefully invert the pan onto a serving plate.  Slice into wedges and enjoy!

When I serve this cornbread, I like to drizzle some blue agave nectar over the whole plate.  This dish goes well with fried chicken, ribs, or a simple spice-rubbed steak.

 
Hi readers.  It’s me, the modern man.  Like my ancestors, I am predisposed to certain indulgences: domestic beer, ball park hot dogs, sandwiches measured in board-feet…  However, decades of instinctual evolution have led me to master the elevation of my desires.  I present to you now, the modern man’s potato chip.  Crunchy, salty and faithful in spirit to the ancient bagged recipes found at 7-11, these chips are the missing link between Monday Night Football-era Doritos and pre-Symphony crostini.

Makes: 1 Jumbo-Sized Mega Bag
Total kitchen time: 30 mins

Shopping list:

• 2 lbs. russet potatoes, skin-on, cleaned well
• 1 tbsp. safflower oil
• 2 tbsp. red Hawaiian sea salt

Note: The oil and salt you use will really define the flavor of these chips.  Don’t use olive oil, since the smoke point is too low.  I used safflower oil, but you can also try canola oil, or any other oil suitable for frying.  Please, for the sake of modern men everywhere, don’t use table salt.  Find the spice aisle of your nearest (finer) grocery store and peruse their collection of finishing salts.  You’ll undoubtedly uncover some interesting varieties - experiment and find the flavor that you like best.

1. Preheat your oven to 450°F.  Set the top rack about 10″ below the heating element.
2. Set the depth on your mandoline or v-slicer to .75mm or 1mm.  If you don’t have a mandoline, you can use a knife to slice the potatoes but you had better be a samurai to get the slices thin and even.
3. Slice the potatoes into discs.  Blot the potato discs with paper towels to remove some of the moisture. 
4. In a large bowl, toss the potatoes with the safflower oil and salt.  Lightly grease a baking sheet and arrange the potato slices so they don’t overlap.  You’ll need to do this in several batches (working 2 at a time) to get through all 2 lbs. of potatoes.
5. Bake for about 6 minutes, or until spots of brown appear.  Pay very close attention to the potatoes towards the end of 6 minutes - they’ll go from light brown to burnt quickly.
6. Remove the chips from the baking sheet with a board scraper or spatula into a large bowl.  Serve promptly!

 
Do you love potatoes but hate their shape?  Then try new twice-baked potato rounds.  The same great potato taste you love (actually, much better) with out the oval shape!  Try twice-baked potato rounds at dinner, at the office, at the beach, or enjoy as a delicious snack anytime!  Twice-baked potato rounds are light, fluffy and moist - a treat the whole family can enjoy.  But you can’t buy twice-baked potato rounds in stores… they’re only available through our exclusive online offer. 

Makes: 10 delicious twice-baked potato rounds, for a limited time only
Total kitchen time: 45 minutes

Shopping list:

• 2 lbs. russet potatoes, peeled
• 1/2 cup heavy cream
• 4 cloves roasted garlic
• 3 tbsp. grated parmesan
• 2 Oz. crumbled sharp blue cheese (such as Rogue River or Stilton)
• salt and pepper, to taste

1. Cook the potatoes.  That’s a guidance-free, bold statement, isn’t it?  OK, you could bake the potatoes in the oven, but that takes about 3 calendar months.  Here’s what I like to do: cut the potatoes into about 1″ cubes and put them in a Pyrex dish full of hot water.  Microwave the little buggers for, oh, 15 minutes or so.  Cooking time will vary (a lot) but you want the potatoes to be very forgiving when you insert a fork.  Strain the potatoes in a colander and rinse quickly with cold water.  This does two things - 1) it cools off the potatoes so they’re easier to handle, and 2) it removes just a little bit of starch so out finished product doesn’t have such a glue-like consistency.
2. While your potatoes are cooking, preheat the oven to 425°F and set the top rack about 8″ below the heating element.
3. Next, you’ll want to grab your potato ricer.  If you don’t have one (and you make mashed potatoes more than twice a century) go order one.  Rice the potatoes into a large bowl and add the remaining ingredients, reserving a small amount of blue cheese for the tops.  It is important not to overwork the potatoes at this point - they’ll become gluey.  Just mix (or fold) until everything is combined.
4. Cover a baking sheet with a piece of cooking parchment.  Place a pastry ring (or biscuit cutter) on the parchment and spoon in the potatoes.  Gently remove the ring to leave a biscuit-shaped potato mound.  If you don’t have a ring, you can grease a 1/2 cup measure or form the shapes by hand. 
5. Top the rounds with a dollop of the remaining blue cheese and bake until just slightly golden, about 6 minutes.

Of course, you can use this recipe for classic twice-baked, re-stuffed potatoes.  However, I like the idea of baking them outside of the shells.  If you have a pastry bag with a wide tip, get creative with shapes and designs.  You and your guests will love the results.

 
Roasted garlic can bring out great flavors in all kinds of dishes.  Roasting causes the sharp flavors of the garlic to mellow and sweeten.  To roast garlic, trim the ends off of the garlic cloves.  Create a pouch of aluminum foil, two sheets thick.  Add the garlic and 1 tsp. of  olive oil, plus a pinch of coarse salt.  Seal the pouch tightly and bake at 375°F for 30-40 minutes.  Add roasted garlic to sauces, pasta, poultry, ice cream, breakfast cereal, bottled water, facial cleansers and motor oil!

Growing up in San Diego, my best friend’s house backed up to an avocado grove. On warm, bored Saturdays, we used to hop his fence play “grenades” with the ripe, delicious fruit. At $2.00 a pop, I shudder at the amount of damage we may have done to some poor farmer. But I was young, foolish, and hadn’t yet fallen in love - with guacamole.

Makes: exactly 34 chipfuls (look at the ingredients. that’s how much, dummy)
Total kitchen time: 5 minutes

Shopping list:

• 2 ripe Haas avocados
• 1 vine-ripe tomato
• 1 shallot, finely diced
• 2 cloves garlic, roasted, smashed
• 1 jalapeno pepper, smoked, finely diced
• 2 tbsp cilantro, finely chopped
• 1 lime, juiced
• sea salt and fresh ground pepper, to taste

1. Split the avocados in half through the stem end; in case you’re from Nebraska, be warned that avocados have a large hard pit. Run your knife around the pit in the center. Twist the halves 1/4 turn to separate. To remove the pit, carefully (with a sharp knife and medical insurance) whack the knife blade into the pit. Turn your knife until the pit pops free. Or, use a spoon.
2. Cut a 1/2″ grid pattern into the flesh of the avocado. Turn the skin inside out and use a spoon to remove the flesh into a bowl.
3. Add the remaining ingredients and stir to combine.

OK, now you know how easy it is to make your own guacamole. Trust me, this will be 10 times better thank that green paste crap they sell in the supermarket. You see, avocados are very perishable and they brown quickly in the presence of air. The acid in the lime juice will slow this a bit, but not long enough to give fresh guacamole a good shelf life. So, the crap you buy at the store is filled with radiator fluid, formaldehyde and lava ash. I’m pretty sure, at least.

Pico de gallo (literally “rooster’s beak”) is a chunky, fresh salsa found at most Mexican (or vaguely Mexican) restaurants these days. This is a tangier, mango-ier version of the salsa, which I have named after the only non-fictional yellow bird that I could translate into Spanish: the canary.

Makes: 4 cups
Total kitchen time: 20 mango-maddening minutes

Shopping list:

• 1 large, ripe mango, peeled and diced
• 1 kiwis, peeled and diced
• 2 limes, juiced
• 4 tomatillos, husked and diced
• 1 1/2 tbsp fresh mint, finely chopped
• 1 1/2 tbsp fresh cilantro, finely chopped
• coarse salt and fresh black pepper, to taste

1. If you’ve never worked with a whole mango before, it can be a bit daunting. First, be sure to wash the skin very well before peeling the fruit. Mango tree sap causes itching and mild irritation, like poison ivy (this is why you should NEVER burn mango wood). The mango has a long, solar car shaped pit that runs vertically through the middle. Slide your knife down through the top of the fruit, slightly to one side, When you hit the pit, try to follow its contour. You may have to make several cuts to get the flesh off, but you’re going to dice it anyway, so who cares?
2. Once your mango is peeled and chopped, combine all of the ingredients in a bowl and refrigerate for at least 2 hours before serving. This will give the flavors time to mingle.

Serve with chips, fish tacos, or as a very fancy churro topping!

I grew up on these carrots. Adding depth to a naturally sweet vegetable, this recipe will make you think twice next time you reach for the steamer. As a variation, puree the carrots at the end of the recipe and sprinkle with fresh sage.

Serves: 4 smugly-sarcastic rabbits
Total kitchen time: 20 mins

Shopping List:

• Carrots (a-duh? But seriously, a note here. Try to find beautiful carrots. For your sake and mine, don’t buy a pre-packaged bag of those mini carrots. Those are for 5-year olds to dunk in Ranch Dressing. You want the big boy carrots.)
• 1tsp ground cloves
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1 tbsp honey
• 1 to 1 1/2 cups water

1. Clean up your carrots with a vegetable peeler. Get rid of the tough outer skin, but try not to go all mechanical pencil sharpener on them. That’s food you’re wasting.
2. Arrange the carrots in a single layer in a large skillet. Sprinkle over the cloves and cinnamon. Toss to coat.
3. Add the water and honey and bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce to a simmer and cook until carrots are fork-tender, about 20 minutes.