This may be the most dangerous food I’ve ever created. I came up with the idea near the end of a very long day of work, when delirium had set in and all of my ideas were at their most absurd. But, in the morning, the idea still lingered with me, so, despite my sense of impending moral conflict, I present Hypermelon.

Hypermelon is melon that has been vacuum infused with an energy drink. Strong vacuum pressure causes the cellular structure of the melon to change, and when atmospheric pressure is returned, the melon sucks up a proportionally large amount of any surrounding liquid. In these experiments, I infused watermelon with 5 Hour Energy and Sugar-Free Redbull. It’s pretty easy to extend the recipe to Rockstar Energy Drinks or other high-caffeine beverages. The watermelon helps to mask the semimedicinal flavor of the energy drink, making consumption of those beverages even more dangerous.

Here’s a short video showing the vacuum infusion process. As you can see, the watermelon sucks up quite a bit of liquid. In fact, it only takes 200g of watermelon to absorb an entire 5 Hour Energy.

I encourage you to exercise caution when making hypermelon. This shit is no joke.

Ah, chicken & waffles.  Having grown up in Los Angeles, I’ve made a few late-night pilgrimages to the famed Roscoe’s House of Chicken’n Waffles, and every now and then, I get a craving for crispy fried chicken alongside a lightly toasted waffle.  But other times, my desires are a little more unsavory (pun intended). So, in a recent [epic] Jet City Gastrophysics jam session, we came up with the above: waffle-flavored ice cream served in a crispy chicken skin cup, with maple syrup. 

The first step is to make a neutral ice cream base infused it with waffle flavor. Jethro took on the challenge and nailed it.  He used a standard ice cream recipe (6 egg yolks, heavy cream, sugar, ice cream machine, etc) except for three variations:

1. He toasted up 6 Eggo waffles and soaked them in the milk after it had been brought to a simmer.  After 30 minutes he pressed the milk/waffle goop through a sieve.
2. He replaced half the required amount of sugar with maple syrup.
3. For good measure he threw in a chunk of butter to give it that waffle flavor.

Next, we needed to make a chicken skin cup.  So, I skinned a chicken (it was already dead).  We thought that an intact chicken skin was fun to play with, so we gave it some time in the spotlight, as you can see on the left.  With a little Activia, we could have done a Silence of the Lambs dish (it puts the Hoisin on the skin, or else it gets the hose again!) but we decided that we’re probably on enough FBI watch lists already. 

I removed as much of the fat as I could from the inside of the skin, making sure not to accidentally create any holes.  Using a 4” biscuit cutter as a guide, I removed a circle of skin to eventually form our cup. 

With the waffle cone maker preheated, I crisped the skin until it was golden brown, but still slightly pliable.  I immediately placed the disk on top of an inverted stainless steel condiment cup, then pressed another cup down against the skin to form it into a bowl shape.  We waited for the skin to cool down, and lo and behold, it held its form.

One scoop of ice cream and some really excellent maple syrup later, we had an incredibly satisfying dessert that tastes exactly like chicken and waffles.  Unfortunately, it was a little unwieldy to eat in that form factor – the cup was too big to take in one bite, but not quite brittle enough to shatter at the tap of a spoon.  So, we (including Eric, via Skype) brainstormed an alternate presentation. 

We decided that the dish would be easier to eat as a single bite served on a waffled chicken skin wafer.  Eric actually suggested making a coronet from the chicken skin and serving the dish as a miniature ice cream cone, but we were feeling impatient.  So, I fried another piece of skin and broke it into shards.  We also garnished the dish with espresso powder, as it seemed a fitting compliment to the breakfasty flavor of the waffle ice cream. 

Ultimately, we determined that the best presentation of this dish would be to cast the ice cream into a miniature waffle mold, served on a waffled chicken skin wafer, topped with maple syrup and perhaps even a miniature dollop of espresso whipped cream.  We’ll save that for round 2.

For some reason I can’t remember, Jessie Oleson (of the fantastic blog Cakespy.com) and I decided to get together and absolutely destroy a few sweets using some of my favorite kitchen tools: the sous vide machine, the centrifuge, the rotor-stator homogenizer, the blowtorch, the vacuum chamber, and the blender.  I took photos of our mayhem and Jessie illustrated them and crafted a story in her signature style.  The result is… disturbing.  Without further ado, here is the Photo Story of the Misfit Pastries.

In a land not so far away, in the dark endcap displays of the grocery store, exists the land of misfit pastries.

These are the sad, stale, and typically on-sale sweets that have not been purchased, the unloved in a generally lovable section of the food pyramid.

Like shooting stars, their futures initially looked bright. But as someone (don’t ask me who, probably a lighting salesman) once said, "the brighter the light, the bigger the shadow". And here, we are going to delve into some of the bad things that can happen to fallen pastries.

Take here the hapless cookies, so festive and fresh a few days ago, which are now inspiring the ire of a rather dapper Watermelon. What will happen next in this scene? We cannot be sure, but one thing is certain: that Mr. Watermelonsworth is displeased, and his monocle and mustache should tell you that he means business.

…or see how cupcakes have fallen into an unfortunate series of events. sometimes we do senseless things when we are bored or just hungry. were these purposeful lures or simply a cupcake playdates gone bad? Nobody can be sure, but one thing’s certain, these poor Hostess cupcakes are never gonna be the same, and their friends are looking hungry.

…oh, and that happy hand pie, BFF with Mr. Unicorn? Looks like Mr. Unicorn sold his friend out to food abusers, and look what they did to him! It is proof that you never know who your friends are, and that the world is a bad, bad place.

…and what of the Cinnamon Roll who once greeted the day with high hopes of being made into a breakfast of champions? Now he’s been relegated to Accidental Smoothie, a stale, sad pile of carbohydrate crumbs.

…as for the scone, let’s just say it’s a blessing that he never saw the homogenizer coming.

…and what of the cookies? Those sweet flowers made of flour, butter, and love? With no parental supervision they got up to some mischief and found themselves in deep–literally–in the sous vide.

So, boys and girls, the next time you see those bags of lonely, aging treats at the convenience store, know that their Sell By clock is ticking down to a rather gruesome demise.  When you reach for the cake mix instead of the plastic-wrapped pocket pie, you’re turning your back on a helpless sweet.  And when you buy that glistening, fresh, handmade cupcake from the neighborhood bakery, you’re signing the death warrant of another misfit pastry.

My method uses dry ice for instant freezing and Xanthan Gum, a popular soy-based gluten substitute, as a thickener for a more velvety texture.  In addition, I’ve added a small amount of Versawhip, which creates a subtle but stable foam, giving the finished product the unexpected lightness usually associated with mousses.  You can substitute the sorbet base of your choice, following the same basic steps.

Makes: about 6 cups
Total kitchen time: 10 minutes

Shopping list:

• 20 oz. canned pineapple (crushed, slices, or chunks), including juice
• 6 oz. fresh raspberries
• 1 oz. (a small shot) St. Germain Elderflower Liqueur (optional)
• 3 tbsp. sugar
• 2 tsp. Xanthan gum (also available in the baking aisle at better grocery stores. Look for the Bob’s Red Mill label)
• 1/2 tsp. Versawhip
• 1 lb. dry ice, crushed into 1/2” or smaller chunks

The process of tempering chocolate is all about forming the cocoa butter into a regular crystalline structure.  This gives properly tempered chocolate its signature glossiness and brittle snap.  I found these instructions on the tempering process and adapted them for sous vide. Here are the steps I took:

1. I crushed 5.00oz of Scharffen Berger Unsweetened 99% Cacao Baking Chocolate and sealed it in a 12” square vacuum bag.  The sealed chocolate was spread out in an even layer, about 1/4” thick.  [BTW, unsweetened (even the good stuff) chocolate tastes like shit.  I chose it because it was in the pantry.]
2. I set my Sous Vide Professional (generously on loan from Polyscience) to 115F in a 4-gallon basin with about one gallon of water.
3. I added the bagged chocolate and it began to melt instantly.  I felt the bag for lumps, and within 3 minutes, all of the chocolate was melted and presumably at exactly 115F. 
4. I lowered the set temperature on the sous vide machine to 84F and added a few large ice cubes and short bursts of cold water until the temperature reached 84F.  This process took about 7 minutes.  I held the temperature at 84F for 2 minutes.
5. Finally, I raised the set temperature to 88F.  The bath took 1-2 minutes to heat to 88F and overshot the desired temperature by .5F (for a moment, the temperature of the water bath was 88.5F).  I held the chocolate at 88F for 2 minutes.

[I learned later, after reading this article, that it may not have been necessary to raise-lower-raise the temperature, and that bringing the chocolate directly to 85-87F should have done the trick.]

I removed the bag and wiped it dry.  Then, I cut off one of the corners leaving a small opening, perhaps 1/16th of an inch, so I could pipe out the liquid chocolate.  I had a few Trader Joe’s Candy Cane Jo Jos (fake mint Oreos) lying around, so I covered them with the chocolate.  While it was still molten, the chocolate looked great (see below).

I the chocolate cool for 30 minutes before getting impatient and popping my tray of cookies into the freezer.  I let them freeze for about 10 minutes before removing them to take pictures (the surface temperate of the chocolate was 56F when I removed the cookies from the freezer).  Strangely, during the cooling process, a bizarre pattern formed on the surface of the chocolate.  It didn’t look properly tempered, as most of the chocolate was relatively dull and didn’t have much snap.  However, the chocolate was covered with an intricate pattern of darker, shinier dots and lines that reminded me of Damascus steel. 

Without knowing much about the molecular process of tempering (besides the very helpful information found here), my guess is that the dark areas represent places in the chocolate where beta crystals began to form.  The lighter, duller areas may be places where, for whatever, reason, the crystallization never quite took off. 

In every other method I’ve seen for tempering chocolate, the chocolate is stirred or circulated.  I couldn’t tell if the motion of the chocolate was purely to promote an even temperature, or if was critical for forming the crystalline structure of properly-tempered chocolate.  Since I was using a precisely temperature-controlled bath to heat my chocolate, I didn’t have to worry about circulating it to even out the temperature.  However, perhaps circulation really is key to an even temper. 

If there are any tempering experts out there, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this mysterious pattern!

Instead, I ended up with this 6” spiral staircase.  Let’s review what happened…

First, I found a 3D model of the library building.  Using a Google Sketchup plugin, I exploded the 3D model into a set of flat shapes (did you know that the Seattle Central Library has 29 facets?) and labeled each one.  I decided on a scale for the building, about 12” wide, and laid out the shapes to fit on baking sheet sized pages.  Then I discovered the first problem.  You see, it would have taken 7 baking sheets worth of candy glass to fit all the shapes I needed to cut.  Oy.

I decided to make a test batch of candy glass to see exactly how much sugar it took for each baking sheet sized layer.  I bought a few pounds of isomalt, the type of sugar used by pastry chefs on those Ultimate Cake Showdown shows.  Having never worked with isomalt before, I was really excited by it’s properties.  Once you melt it down, it behaves just like molten glass.  You can blow it into spheres, you can pull it, you can bond it to itself, and it will burn the shit out of you if you touch it.  I poured my test batch onto a baking sheet and did a quick calculation: isomalt was $6/lb…  it took 2 lbs to cover one baking sheet… I needed 7 baking sheets worth, plus extra for mistakes… Wow, that’s almost $100 in sugar.  Time for plan B.

The next day, my friend Becky came over and brought with her the idea to make a spiral staircase out of the sugar sheet.  We plotted out a design on the computer, then it was off to the lab to try laser cutting candy glass (hooray!).  Unfortunately, it didn’t work very well.  Even at 100% power on a 75W CO2 laser, the beam wasn’t quite strong enough to make it all the way through our sugar sheet.  Instead, it would melt the sugar along the cut line.  Before the laser could finish it’s path around each shape, the sugar would fuse itself back together.  With a few hours of trial and error, we found that rapidly cutting each shape over and over again would eventually burn all the way through, but the final shapes were melty around the edges – not the laser’s best work.  In fact, we realized that we would have been much better off laser-cutting a mold and simply pouring molten isomalt in.  Oy again.

I assembled the spiral staircase by pouring a base, then welding the other pieces together using a blowtorch.  A second or two of heat was plenty to melt the connection points, and after each weld dried for about 30 seconds, it was extremely strong.   While pouring the base, I accidentally made this “windsock” sugar sculpture.  It has slowly collapsed on itself over the last 24 hours, but it was proudly phallic while it stood.

Next, I’ll see if fondant responds better to laser cutting.  There must be some laser-pastry synergy out there, waiting to be discovered!

It doesn’t matter how old you are – there’s still a little kid inside you who just loves roasting marshmallows over a campfire.  However, if a campfire is a impractical for your next dinner party, try this simple trick: use your fondue set for tableside s’mores.  [Caution: locate your nearest fire extinguisher before attempting, and don’t serve alongside that bottle of 90 proof Brandy.]

To make your s’mores a bit classier, try using premium chocolate (sorry Hershey’s, it’s not me, it’s you).  I prefer Seattle-based Theo Chocolate’s Coconut Curry and Fig, Fennel & Almond, though there are hundreds of exotic flavors out there that will easily earn you your Open Flame Artisan Pastry Making merit badge.

If you couldn’t tell, I’ve been slightly obsessed with molecular gastronomy (“modernist cuisine” if you’ve read the Nathan Myhrvold interview).  Unfortunately, I’m a long way off from having centrifuges, rotary evaporators and tanks of liquid nitrogen lying around my lab kitchen.  Luckily, some of the geekiest cooking techniques work very well with home kitchen substitutes, and dry ice sorbet is the perfect example.  Eric Rivera first introduced me to this technique during one of our periodic food experimentation meetings.  Depending on the sugar content of the sorbet base and the type of mixer attachment, you can produce anything from fluffy, soft, taffy-like sorbets like this one to desserts with the consistency of Dippin-Dots.  Last night I added lime zest, lime juice and a shot of tequila to the sorbet base, then topped the result with lime salt for the coldest, sweetest smoothest margarita sorbet you’ve ever tasted!

Note: Whenever you’re working with dry ice, WEAR THICK GLOVES. Having sensation in your appendages is a good thing.

Note Two: In the video, I say to bring the sorbet base to a boil.  Further testing has shown that’s really not necessary.  A simmer is usually sufficient for the sugar and water to be completely combined.

It took a lot of work, but I’ve finally made the most trendy food possible.  These molecular gastronomy “cupcakes” infuse the idea of local stinging nettles into an airy foam, which is balanced out by bacon cured in a barrel of black truffles, then finished with salt smoked with chipotle peppers in a cave in Nepal.  The whole thing is vacuum bagged with a tablespoon of rendered duck fat, then cooked sous vide for 5 days.  Optionally, you can garnish with a fresh nettle leaf – the gentle sting of which is a reminder of the frailty of life. 

[Happy April Fool’s Day]

Molecular gastronomy, the geekiest incarnation of cooking known to man, has recently piqued my interest.  Foams and spherification and liquid nitrogen and the like aren’t particularly common on Seattle menus, but on a recent trip to Spur Gastropub, my dessert was adorned with a pinch of powdered olive oil.  The powder was a delightful surprise – it tastes just like olive oil, and when the dry granules hit your tongue, they dissolve almost instantly.  When I got home, I looked online for a recipe for olive oil powder, but came up empty handed.  I did, however, find an article that described using tapioca maltodextrin to dehydrate olive oil.  I don’t have any maltodextrin, but I did know where to find some instant tapioca mix.  A few hours of experimentation later, and I had a viable recipe.

Total kitchen time: 5 minutes
Makes: 1/2 cup of powder

Shopping list:

• 1 3oz. package Jello Cook & Serve Fat Free Tapioca Mix
• 2 1/2 tbsp. extra virgin olive oil

1. Using a sieve or a fine mesh strainer, sift the tapioca to remove the little tapioca balls.  Discard the balls.
2. Place sifted tapioca powder and 1 tbsp. olive oil in a small food processor and pulse on high until blended.  Add the remaining olive oil, 1/4 tsp. at a time just until it forms a spreadable paste.  You may not need to use all of the olive oil – the paste should feel chalky.
3. Spread the olive oil mixture in an even layer on a microwavable plate.  Microwave on high for 90 seconds.  Remove and let cool 5 minutes.
4. Using the tines of a fork, break the cooled paste into small pieces.  Store in an airtight container up to 2 weeks.

This powder is an excellent addition to a bowl of ice cream or other sweet dishes.  Unfortunately, since we’re using off-the-shelf tapioca mix, we do get some of the tapioca flavor.  However, the overwhelming taste is definitely olive oil, and unless you’re ready to start ordering commercial food chemicals, this method ain’t bad for $2.30.

I wish I could take credit for this recipe – the best new thing I’ve tasted all year – but the credit actually lies with two of my favorite chefs in Seattle: Philippe Thomelin of Olivar, and Joseba Jiménez de Jiménez, formerly of Harvest Vine and now playing around at Txori.  On the night I first tasted chorizo caramel confit, I had just finished an excellent meal prepared by both chefs on a special evening at Olivar.   I happened to be sitting with Jay of Gastrolust.com, and Joseba came over to say hello.  Of course we praised the meal, and I jokingly asked, “But where was the chorizo?”  Joseba disappeared into the kitchen and emerged a minute later with a plate of sticky-sweet chorizo atop crostini.  They were unbelievable, and I’ve dreamt about them ever since.  Apparently, Philippe and Joseba had hand-made the chorizo earlier that day and had been cooking slowly in caramel.  Philippe generously shared his simple recipe, which I’ve recreated here using store-bought chorizo.

Makes: 24 pieces
Total kitchen time: 1 hour (15 minutes active time)

Shopping list:

• 1 lb. dry-cured chorizo, sliced into 1/4” pieces
• 2 cups granulated sugar
• 1/2 cup water
• 1 stick butter
• 1 baguette, thinly sliced (optional)

1. Pour the sugar and water into a medium skillet with high sides (taller than the chorizo is thick).  A non-stick skillet makes for easier cleanup.  Do not stir the sugar and water together, just make sure all the sugar is wet.
2. Over medium heat, bring the sugar water mixture to a soft boil. 
3. Stir in the butter until melted.  Reduce the heat to a low simmer.
4. Add the chorizo and continue to simmer for 10 minutes, up to 3 hours.  The longer it cooks, the more flavorful the caramel will be.
5. (Optional, for serving) Butter one side of thin baguette slices and toast in the oven or on a skillet.  Place each piece of chorizo on a piece of toasted bread and drizzle with the caramel sauce in the pan.
   Or, dump the whole pot into a mason jar and serve with bamboo skewers.

This is my new favorite dessert, and a dish that I’ll serve often at cocktail parties.  If you’re interested in hearing more about the wonderful dinner at Olivar, Jay has a great writeup on his blog.  And, many thanks to Frantic Foodie Keren Brown for organizing the dinner!

Makes: 1 1/2 savory quarts
Total kitchen time: 30 mins. plus freezing time

Shopping list:

• 1 cup heavy cream (go ahead, choose organic. it tastes better)
• 2 cups half and half
• 1 cup minus 1 tbsp. granulated sugar
• 2 tbsp. dark brown sugar
• 1 vanilla bean, split and scraped
• 2 six inch sprigs fresh rosemary, plus extra to garnish
• high-quality extra virgin olive oil, for drizzling
• flake sea salt or sel gris

Special equipment: ice cream maker, instant-read thermometer

1. Combine the cream, half and half, sugars and scraped vanilla bean and rosemary sprigs in a medium saucepan.  Attach a thermometer and bring the cream mixture to 160°F over medium-low heat, stirring often.
2. Once the temperature hits 160°F, immediately transfer the mixture to the freezer to cool.  Once it is cold (but before ice crystals form) pour into your ice cream maker and freeze according to the manufacturer’s instructions.
3. To serve, drizzle a teaspoon of olive oil and a pinch of salt over a scoop of ice cream.  Top with a short sprig of rosemary (optional). 

When I attended the Seattle Chocolate Festival last year, my eyes were opened to a whole world of savory chocolates.  I tried basil, lavender, cayenne… even tequilla-flavored chocolate.  This rosemary fudge is surprisingly quick and simple to make, and is a wonderful twist on a bake sale favorite.

Makes: about 2 lbs.
Total kitchen time: 30 minutes

Shopping list:

• 1 can sweetened condensed milk
• 2 sprigs rosemary
• 2 tea bags, a tea infuser, or cheesecloth
• 12 Oz. semi-sweet chocolate, finely chopped
• 2 Oz. dark chocolate, finely chopped
• 1 tsp. baking soda
• 1 tsp. gray salt, sea salt, or black salt (don’t substitute table salt)

1. Strip the rosemary needles off of the twig and pulverize them in a mortar and pestle to release their inner oils.  If you don’t have a mortar and pestle, put the rosemary in a plastic bag and rough it up with a rolling pin.
2. Divide the rosemary between the two tea bags.  Pour the condensed milk into a small saucepan over medium-low heat.  Add the tea bags and submerge, being careful not to let the rosemary spill out.  Bring the condensed milk to a simmer (you’ll see wisps of steam) then remove from the heat and let the rosemary steep in the milk for 15 minutes. 
3. Meanwhile, line the inside of a shallow 8”x8” baking dish with parchment or aluminum foil.  Try to get the foil as smooth as possible, so it doesn’t leave wrinkles in the finished fudge.
4. Remove the tea bags from the saucepan, pressing them against the side of the pan with the back of a spoon to release as much flavor as possible back into the condensed milk.
5. Add the chocolates and baking soda to a large glass or metal bowl and stir until the baking soda is evenly distributed.  Add the condensed milk and place the bowl on top of a pot of boiling water to form a double boiler.  Gently stir until the chocolate is almost fully melted.  Remove the bowl from the heat and continue stirring until the chocolate mixture is smooth.
6. Pour the chocolate mixture into the prepared baking dish.  Sprinkle the salt evenly across the surface of the chocolate.  Refrigerate until set, about 1 hour.  To serve, remove the block of fudge from the baking dish and cut into 1” pieces.

You can also try this recipe with sage, basil, or anything else that sounds good to you. 

To commemorate a certain special occasion that took place earlier this year, I decided to build the Eiffel Tower, in all its majesty, out of gingerbread.  This isn’t the first gingerbread Eiffel Tower in the world, but this may be the first one made with only 4 pieces of gingerbread.

To achieve this marvelous feat of culinary engineering, I built a baking ramp with the same slope as the profile of the tower, so each face of the tower came out curved.  As a result, each side fit together perfectly – er, close enough for gingerbread.

Makes: 2 quarts
Total kitchen time: 30 minutes, plus churning time

Shopping list:

• 1.5 quarts purified water
• 4 tbsp. Mmmmango tea
• 3 tbsp. honey

1. In a medium saucepan, bring the water to a boil.  Remove from heat.
2. Distribute the loose tea among 4 tea bags or 2 tea infusers and place in the pot of water.  Let the tea steep for 25-30 minutes for maximum flavor.
3. Once the tea has steeped, remove the tea bags and stir in the honey.  Adjust to taste with more honey, if needed, until the mixture is just slightly sweet.
4. Refrigerate the tea mixture until cold, then churn using your ice cream maker’s instructions.
5. Top with a drizzle of honey before serving.

I’m a big fan of sneaking loose tea into recipes, especially deserts.  Do you have any favorite tea recipes?  Are there any tea creations you’d like to see?  If so, leave a comment below!

Makes: 9 round inches of peanut butter bliss
Total kitchen time: about 5 hours

Shopping List
For the cake:

• 1/2 cup milk
• 1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract
• 2 cups flour
• 1 1/2 tsp. baking soda
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 2 sticks unsalted butter, cubed and brought to room temperature
• 2 cups brown sugar
• 4 eggs
• 2 9″ cake pans
• parchment paper

1. Preheat your oven to 350°F and set the top rack to the middle position.
2. In a small bowl, beat together the milk, peanut butter and vanilla extract until well combined.
3. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda and salt.
4. Using your stand mixer, beat together the butter and brown sugar on medium speed until well combined.  Add the eggs, one at a time.  Working in small batches, add the flour mixture and peanut butter mixture.  Mix for 1 minute more until fully combined.
5. Cover the bottom of each cake pan with a round of parchment paper.  To do this, tear off a large square of parchment.  Fold the square into a big triangle.  Then, fold into a smaller triangle by bringing the opposite corners together.  Repeat once or twice more.  Place the tip of your now-skinny triangle in the center of your cake pan and cut off the other end where it meets the edge of the pan.  Unfold your triangle to reveal a circle the size of your pan.  Voila!
6. Grease the inside of each cake pan with butter, then place the parchment circle in the bottom.  Divide the batter equally among the pans and bake 25-35 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
7. Let the cakes cool for at least 10 minutes in their pans before inverting them onto cooling racks.  Level the top of each cake using a large serrated knife.

For the filling:

• 1 1/2 cups creamy peanut butter
• 1/4 cup powdered sugar
• 3/4 cup brown sugar
• 2 tbsp. cup heavy cream

1. Combine all ingredients in a large bowl and mix until combined and slightly fluffy.

For the chocolate tart:

• 12 oz. semisweet chocolate, finely chopped
• 1/4 cup heavy cream
• 1 tbsp. unsalted butter
• 1 9″ tart pan with removable bottom

1. Melt the chocolate, heavy cream and butter together in a double-boiler over medium heat.  If you see steam coming out the sides of the double-boiler, turn the heat way down.  If you don’t have a double boiler, melt the ingredients together in a glass bowl by microwaving on high power in 10-second bursts.  Stir in between bursts until everything is very well melted.  You want to get the mixture hot enough that it starts to sheen.  This is super-critical, so take your time letting the chocolate come up to temperature.
2. Generously grease the inside of your tart pan.  I used a cooking spray – I found that butter was not slippery enough that the chocolate would release from the tart pan without cracking.
3. Using a pastry brush, silicone brush, or a rubber spatula, spread an even layer of chocolate along the bottom and sides of the tart pan.  You’ll want to thicken the layer at the corner between the bottom and the sides (visible in the cross-section picture above).  This will help ensure that the tart doesn’t break when you remove it from the pan.
4. Cool tart in refrigerator for at least an hour.
5. Spread an even layer of the peanut butter filling across the bottom of the tart. 
6. With the remaining chocolate (which should be hot enough to glisten), pour a thin layer over the peanut butter filling.  Spread the chocolate with a rubber spatula if needed, but try to handle it as little as possible.  If the chocolate looks hazy, shake the tart pan vigorously until it begins to sheen.
7. Refrigerate until you are ready to top the cake, at least 2 hours.

For the icing:

• 1 recipe Vanilla Buttercream
• 1 oz. Yellow #6 food dye (1 oz. = 1 small bottle shaped like a gnome)
• 1 tsp. Red #40 food dye (1 tsp = 80-100 drops)

1. Combine the buttercream and the food dye until you have a bright orange bowl full of goodness before you.  I literally poured the whole container of yellow dye in the icing and it was barely enough.

To Finish:

1. Spread a layer of peanut butter filling on top of one of the leveled cakes.  Invert the other cake  on top. 
2. Ice the top and sides with buttercream icing. 
3. Place the chocolate tart atop the whole cake.
4. Cut and serve!

Miraculously, we were able to slice straight through this cake, chocolate tart and all.  This was a major crowd pleaser and people pleaded for the recipe.  I’m just glad the cake made it to the party in one piece!

Makes: 1 prescription quart
Total kitchen time: 20 minutes plus freezing time

Shopping List:

• 6 blood oranges (you can cheat and buy blood orange juice – about 1.5 cups)
• 1 cup Muscat (dessert wine; you can drink the rest)
• 1/2 cup blue agave nectar
• 1 vanilla bean, split and scraped
• 1 tsp fresh ginger, finely grated
• 1 tbsp. vanilla almond tea (loose tea in an infuser, or about 4 tea bags)
• 1 tsp. lavender (in an infuser, or find lavender tea, about 2 bags)
• 2 cups water

1. Juice the blood oranges through a fine mesh screen to remove any pulp or seeds.  I used my potato ricer to get the oranges squozen.  
2. Combine the blood orange juice, Muscat, agave nectar, vanilla bean (including the pod) and ginger in a medium pot.  Bring the liquid just to a boil, then remove from heat.
3. Add the tea and lavender in an infuser or in loose tea bags.  Let the mixture steep for 10 minutes.  Remove and discard the tea.
4. Add the water and refrigerate the mixture overnight or until cold.  Then, freeze according to your ice cream maker’s instructions.

If you don’t have an ice cream maker, you can still-freeze this recipe in a large, shallow baking dish.  Pour in the mixture and put it in the coldest part of your freezer.  Every 20 minutes or so, scrape the sorbet with the tines of a fork to break up the ice crystals.  You’ll end up with more of a granita than a sorbet, but it will still be delicious.

This dessert is so good that you’ll make an “ooo” face when you eat it.  The silkiness of this gelato comes not from some mysterious culinary secret, but from the inclusion of lots and lots of fat.  There’s no two ways around it, folks: great ice cream is heavy (iced) cream.  I’m confident that your guests can look past your nutritional indiscretions for a rare treat like this.

Makes: 8 bowls of hazelnut heaven
Total kitchen time: 20 minutes plus freezing

Shopping list:

• 2 cups heavy whipping cream (get the best stuff you can find)
• 1 cup half and half
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 13 Oz. nutella hazelnut spread
• 1 personal trainer

1. In a large saucepan, combine the cream, half and half, and sugar.  Over medium heat, bring the mixture to 170°F.
2. Remove the mixture from the heat and add the nutella – yes, all of it.  Wisk together until well combined.
3. Refrigerate the mixture until it has chilled thoroughly, at least 6 hours.  Then, freeze according to your ice cream maker’s instructions.

That’s it.  No special magic, just a lot of tasty ingredients and a carefree attitude towards gravity.  Garnish with a dessert wafer, or serve with fresh raspberries.

The picture to the right shows apricot and spice bonbons rolled in crystal sugar (recipe from epicurious.com).

This gingerbread house is a replica (with artistic license) of the Queen Anne High School building in Seattle.  The original building has 86 windows on the front side alone – the gingerbread version only has 18.  This probably disqualifies us from entering the National Historic Register’s Gingerbread House/Gumdrop Nativity Competition.  Next year, perhaps we’ll try for a more accurate model.  We doubled the gingerbread and icing recipes found here to accommodate the size of the building (5 feet 17″ wide by 2 feet 10″ tall).

• Assorted Cheeses, Olives and Salumi
• Baked Brie in Phyllo Dough with Shitake Mushrooms
  
• Hickory-Bacon and Roasted-Corn Gougeres (epicurious.com)
  
• Carmelized Onions and Blue Cheese Puff Pastry Squares
• Andouille and Mussel Cajun Gumbo
• Sage and Honey Skillet Cornbread (epicurious.com)
• Apple Tart Tatin
• Pumpkin Mascarpone Bites with Marshmallow Meringues
  
  (Cooking credit: Rachel.  For these treats, she used the filling from the pumpkin pie recipe with the crust from the marshmallow meringue recipe.  Rachel baked the pumpkin pie in a 1″ thick layer in a rectangular cake pan.  After it cooled, she used a 1.5″ biscuit cutter to form the “bites”.  She baked the meringues separately at 350 for 15 minutes, and placed the cool meringues on top of the pumpkin rounds.)
   

Thanks to the magic of selective publishing, you, the reader, are shielded from the occasional culinary misstep here at Scot’s test kitchen. However, I decided that in the name of honesty (and learning from mistakes) I would share this story with you.

This tale begins, as do most good stories, at Whole Foods. I was shopping for a dinner party that night and planning an elaborate menu. For dessert, I wanted to make guava-filled puff pastry pillows. Unfortunately, the grocery store had no guava in any form. So, I decided to make a pear tart instead. Now, I’m not much of a baker (this will become obvious soon). In an attempt to reduce the already day-long prep time for the meal, I chose to buy a pre-made, frozen pie crust for my tart. I grabbed a few pears along with the rest of my groceries and headed home.

I poached the pears in a delicious orange soda, brandy and vanilla bean broth. I pureed some almonds, butter and sugar and spread a creamy layer of the nutt-butter over the crust. I topped the whole thing with the pear slices, meticulously arranged in a sunburst pattern. I par-baked the tart for 15 minutes and let it sit in the oven until we had finished dinner. Then, I turned the heat up to 400 and gave it another 5 minutes to rewarm. It sure looked good, and cooked too!

I presented the tart to my guests with pride, proclaiming in a usually ironic way “You know, I don’t bake much so we’ll see how this turns out,” thinking confidently that it would be a masterpiece. One cut into the tart and I knew something was wrong. The bottom of the crust was wet and doughy! The entire dessert was totally undercooked – a lot. Luckily, my guests were very polite and ate their puddle of tart with a smile on their faces. Meanwhile, I wanted to crawl into the oven and finish my baking.

I learned a few lessons from this evening. First, it never hurts to practice a dish before serving it to guests. Second, if you are going to wing it for company, make sure they’re really good company. And finally, always make sure your tart is baked before serving!

Sincerely,
Scott

Total kitchen time: 40 minutes, plus freezing time
Makes: 1 healthy, fruit-filled quart

Shopping list:

• 2 cups half-and-half
• 1 cup heavy whipping cream
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 2 tbsp dark brown sugar
• 2 tbsp peach preserves
• 1 vanilla bean, split and scraped
• 1 dz ripe cherries, stemmed, pitted and halved
• 1/2 cup brandy

1. Place the cherry halves in a large shallow bowl. Sprinkle on the brown sugar and stir to coat. Add the brandy, cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight. By getting the cherries as drunk as a freshman, they’ll stay soft when we freeze them into the ice cream.
2. Combine the remaining ingredients in a large saucepan and stir to combine. Over medium heat, raise the temperature to 160 F. Once it hits 160, remove the pan from the heat and put it directly into the fridge. Chill the mixture until cold, probably 8 hours.
3. Freeze the cream mixture following the instructions on your ice cream maker. Just at the end of the churning, add the cherries, discarding the remaining brandy. Freeze the ice cream overnight to let it set up.

If you are feeling adventurous, this is exactly the type of dessert for which waffle cones were invented.