Burgers So Big that the Cow Couldn’t Jump Over Them
Burgers So Big that the Cow Couldn’t Jump Over Them

Burgers So Big that the Cow Couldn’t Jump Over Them

big burger These are really really big burgers. Why post a recipe so carelessly anti-cardiac? Because I’m trying to get banner ads from the American beef lobby. Anyhow, consult your doctor before starting this recipe. Or move to Texas.

Serves: 4 giant fire breathing robots
Total Kitchen Time: 40 mins

Shopping List:

  • 2 lbs ground chuck (go visit your butcher. Anything labeled “ground beef” contains parts you don’t want to know about)
  • 4 hamburger buns
  • 1/4 cup rolled oats
  • 1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
  • 1 tbsp kosher salt
  • 1 tbsp fresh ground pepper
  • Monterey Jack cheese (to top)
  • 1/2 lb Crimini mushrooms
  • 1 tsp butter
  • *Special equipment: cast iron skillet or oven-proof skillet
  1. Preheat your oven to 425F.
  2. Preheat your skillet (preferably a well-seasoned cast iron skillet full of grandma’s bacon’s memories) over medium high heat.
  3. Combine the ground chuck, oats, Worcestershire, salt and pepper. Use your hands here and don’t overwork the meat – just enough to get the oats evenly combined.
  4. Form 4 1/2 lb patties, about 4 inches in diameter. They’ll be thick (see the picture). Thick is good.
  5. Slice the mushrooms into 1/4 in slices and saute with the butter in a small skillet, about 10 mins. Reduce the heat to really really low.
  6. Add the patties to the hot skillet and cook about 2 minutes, until the outside is brown and crisp. Don’t flatten them with your spatula; it’s not cool. Flip once and cook another 2 minutes. Transfer the skillet to the hot oven and bake until the meat reaches 135 (if you trust your butcher).
  7. Move the burgers to a plate and let stand for at least 5 minutes. Top with cheese and mushrooms, then attempt to fit a bun around it.
  8. Make sure your will is up-to-date and your health insurance card is in your wallet. Enjoy burgers with your favorite condiments (I love mayonnaise and BBQ sauce).

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